Thursday, March 17, 2011

regaining patience

chayden is 4 1/2. i find myself to have lost my patience with him. i dont know why. tonight at judo, he wasn't listening. like usual. he tends to wonder off & do his own thing. like, play with dust on the floors. i get embarrassed. i feel like i am doing something terribly wrong with raising him because none of the other kids act like him. but, he learns by being curious. i understand that, to a point. when i'm frustrated, i feel like he doesn't care but he does. i pull him aside and lecture him. its stupid. i shouldnt have to because i feel guilty afterwards. but its like, something i have to do? i feel like i "have" to lecture him. but he never listens to me in the end. why do i waste myself?
i guess its because i was never pushed when i was younger. i wanted to cheer. i wanted to play sports. i wanted to do many things but i was never put into anything besides a chair in front of the television. now with me being a mother, i want the opposite of my kids. hardly any tv at all and lots of sports / functions. when chayden doesnt want to participate, it reminds me of when i was younger & i do not like that at all. i want him to say that he was involved in lots of activities. he did do well in gymnastics but thats over with. he wants to attend swimming and t-ball. we can do that for him. he just isn't into Judo. i want him into it because that was the ONLY thing i was involved in. well, after that, other types of martial arts, just as long as my mother didnt have to pay. *rolls eyes*
i need to regain my patience. if he starts to wonder off, just leave him be. i know i know! instead, i grab him up and babble his sweet tiny ears off. i need to STOP!!! he is super innocent.
another thing i need to learn patience with. ... okay. all of him. chayden is a very wild, curious, but very smart 4 yr. old. VERY! drives me bonkers. but if i had patience ... i'd allow myself freedom. but i feel trapped wondering what he's doing 200% of the time.
how do i regain patience? i pray about it. i cry about it. i hold chayden and promise to be more patient. but 5 minutes later, i'm picking his brains again. i dont want him to hate me, thinking his mother drove him nuts. =[ oh lord. i need to keep on with the prayers and google some info.
at the end of the day, i can say that chayden has had many tantrums. yes. its normal for a child. but i feel like its all me. my fault. i feel like i dont know how to direct him to another approach. i need to attend a class on how to raise him now. this is the hardest part of my life so far.

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for the comment and follow! Following you now :)

    Sarah
    www.homeschoolblogger.com/ohiosarah

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  2. Awwww Poor thing!!! I have a child like that. She drives me crazy!!! I also feel that it's a reflect on MY poor parenting when she acts like she's interested in everything but what's going on. It sounds like Chayden MAY be suffering from ADHD???? Both my girls have it- I don't medicate them, I redirect.
    Have you tried a sign language class with him? We sign and it helps out a LOT. I can sign 'pay attention' and no one knows what I'm saying so it doesn't embarrass her- plus I feel that I got my point across. :)
    Yoga, too. Helps them focus on calming down and paying attention to the moment they're in.
    It sounds like Chayden is a great contender for the Rockin Mama Challenge. I know you had commented that he might be too old but he's not. The child that I rock is 7 1/2 and, if I remember correctly, Honeybee is an older child as well. Intentional rocking is for any age child!! :) I think your son would benefit from it! Think about it and contact me if you have any questions!
    Tiffany
    P.S. Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my post.
    We're following now!!

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  3. Melissa, i REALLY do believe Chayden has ADHA. i would NEVER medicate him though. We do sign language around here. i start at birth. my 5 month old is starting to get "milk". but, i guess signing "pay attention" would be a good one to teach! i kind of stopped at the basics.
    i will look into yoga DVD's =] i started the rocking thing tonight but i wasn't fully focused on it because chayden was super antsy and wanted his lovie i had in the dryer. but i am going to start the full focus tomorrow =]

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